Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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