I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
sarcasm needs its own font
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
