his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
