I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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