Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
