We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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