Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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