can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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