i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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