I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
