you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
