I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
