Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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