Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
