That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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