Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
