Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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