So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
