I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
whose parrot is this?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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