Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
