he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Welp...herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
