Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
