so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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