three words: i give head
three words: not that well
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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