even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
