it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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