I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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