How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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