you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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