the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
