I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
