it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
