i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
