You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
