The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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