Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
