the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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