My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
