To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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