I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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