remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
