Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
