I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
