just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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