Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize