last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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