even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
