Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
