we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
