im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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