man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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