Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
