Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
