I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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