If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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