if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
