I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
