She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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