he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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