these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
