You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
sex in a hospital.. check
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
