I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
