omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
