he puts the penis in happiness.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
