it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
