I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
