we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
