Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
