I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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