I got chris browned last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am available for nakedness
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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