so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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