im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize