update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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