ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
