Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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