Redeem this text for a blowjob
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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