Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
