About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
