wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
