So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
