Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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