She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize