I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
