I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
