Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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