Jerry, you need to find god
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
