Im at strip club and am horny
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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