farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
