Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
