i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
