I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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