Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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