i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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