we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
