I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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