Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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