Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
