so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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