weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
