I can tuck mytits in my pants
too bad you live with your parents still
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
