I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
