How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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