I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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