You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
