i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
