I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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