On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
