so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
