you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
