Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
