I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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