Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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