I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
