answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
