Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
