The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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