My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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